Denying masculinity to young men is abusive.
NoteChad Felix Greene was invited to publish this guest post at Dark Triad Man following the removal by the Huffington Post of one of his articles from their platform, likely because of its violation of politically correct standards of gender identity.
It is with some aspersion that I note the degradation and attack posed against masculinity in the current age, and with pleasure that I see the tide shifting. Chad’s article is a startling and painful look at what happens when a brother is left behind in the dark world, to fight his own way to a hard-won understanding of conscience and health where masculinity is concerned.
The manosphere is well established now with men who support each other, who are pushing the returning tide of the times back against the onslaught of political correctness, of degenerate idiocy and ultimately the willful attempts to collapse Western civilization in the rear, just as it the hacking knives of Islam are slashing and slaughtering at the front.
Understand this: It is more important than ever to appreciate that we cannot leave men behind, especially the young generation that is ill-equipped to fight and has been inundated with messages designed to malform and destroy them. It isn’t just being a brother. Sometimes it demands being a big brother as well.
Reach down, and pull young men up with a hand that instructs and strengthens. It may not be just a life you save.
It may be your civilization.
Setting the stage for abusive derogation of masculinity.
When I was about eight years old I attended an event with my grandmother.
Several older boys closer to their teens congregated around me, as I was the only other boy in the room. It was a religious event and everyone was dressed nicely but the boys were attempting to have a bicep-size competition anyway.
I remember watching them laugh, mock each other and do the strongman pose attempting to prove which was the biggest and by default, the strongest. They kept trying to get me to join in despite my obvious size difference.
I distinctly remember feeling an instant rush of excitement and embarrassment and I had no idea what to do. I remember feeling like they were making fun of me and I became visibly upset.
My grandmother was nearby and immediately intervened.
I can remember clearly her saying with great disapproval “Good boys don’t behave this way!” and then pulling me away.
Every day afterwards I would watch boys engaging in displays of dominance, strength and what I perceived as “bullying”. I kept a safe distance, believing myself to be a more mature and desirable kind of boy by rejecting this level of roughness. The older women who kept me around agreed with me and constantly praised me for being so polite, sweet and inherently feminine. I was groomed to be delicate and intelligent while maintaining a sense of discreet awareness of my feminine side.
Only in my fantasy life was I big, strong and violent in the context of superheroes and generalized “saving the world”.
In so many ways this reflects in my mind the struggle I see within the gay male world, which largely revolves around women. The gay male social hierarchy builds upwards towards a “queen” and their icons are all female. The ritual displays, drag shows, routinely involve the female impersonator being surrounded by muscular scantily-clad men in positions of submission as you would envision a Roman or Egyptian goddess. Male beauty is an accessory.
This seems to contradict the obsession with male physical perfection and masculinity people often perceive from the outside. What is not apparent, however, is that even with idealized male physical and strongly dominant sexual qualities, the male himself is expected to recognize his true strength comes from female energy in spite of his urge to be masculine.
Gay male masculinity is understood to be a sacrifice to the female. A man builds his body, embraces physical masculine traits, behaviors and mannerisms and stands tall and dominant only to bow to women as his true master. It is why you see the most extreme examples of male physical potential wearing woman’s clothing and flamboyantly displaying in public.
It’s how one proves they are an advanced, enlightened man in the eyes of larger liberal society which believes men should consider themselves accessories and a support system for women.
Gay men who genuinely prefer masculinity tend to struggle endlessly as there is no physical quality that provides evidence of this. The most muscular dominant looking male embodying an exaggerated ideal of what male dominance and aggression is can instantly become a feminine, submissive and flamboyant character the second he opens his mouth. To make matters more complicated, the very desire to seek out naturally masculine partners is considered “self-hating” as the gay world believes only truly confident, self-aware and strong gay men are feminine. Embracing your feminine side is the only approved way for a gay man to obtain enlightenment. To fully become feminine is to truly become whole.
Any man who either holds onto his masculinity, or demands it in others, is repressing who he really is – and is still a “victim of society’s homophobia”.
It must be understood that in order to be a gay man, one must “abandon” his notion of masculinity. In truth gay men generally view masculinity as rigid, cave-mannish, ignorant, unenlightened and crude. While they instinctively are drawn to it sexually, in the end they want to take that enslaved man and free him. Freedom for gay men is becoming feminine.
On the television show RuPaul’s Drag Race, masculine straight athletes were presented. The episode began with a highly sexualized parade of these men as the gay men flocked around, gasped and giggled and everyone ogled them lustfully. They then took the men, shaved them down and put them in dresses and make-up. The men were then paraded on a stage in front of celebrity judges who praised them enthusiastically.
The moral of the episode was how free and happy the men became once liberated from the constraints of masculine limited thinking.
For me masculinity was always the thing I could never quite grasp but deeply wanted to understand.
I embraced femininity early on because it was the easier path and it received the most praise.
The cultural attributes I described above are not exclusive to the gay male world, but they manifest more profoundly there. As a young boy, women in particular were always praising me for my anti-boy qualities. When men, or my father, attempted to change my behaviors or even point them out as a concern the women would intervene and declared those men to be unenlightened and old fashioned.
I experienced protection from masculinity rather than protection within masculinity.
Struggle with identity, then simply be what you are.
I strongly believed that the ideal was femininity to the point I convinced myself I truly was female and pursued transgender therapy and considered transition in my early twenties.
To become a woman felt like the ultimate reward for my work celebrating and holding up feminine superiority. I believed it would allow me to truly be myself, and possibly allow me access to the world of men I had always felt separated from.
In school girls clung onto me with enthusiasm and absolutely loved my willingness to embrace female enjoyment with them. I was constantly imitating girls, and the female world seemed to love me for it.
In truth this is often why so many gay men worship female celebrity figures and imitate them so obsessively.
Our society rewards feminine men more strongly than any other group.
The promise of gay liberation is the promise of male femininity realized to its fullest potential, with the reward of male acceptance and appreciation. When you witness physically masculine men surround a drag queen in positions of worship and admiration you imagine that the more feminine you become, the more attractive you will be to the men you ultimately want attention from.
The error in thinking, however, is that in order to be accepted within the culture itself one must be proudly feminine despite having masculine qualities and features.
To be naturally masculine requires a makeover as dramatic as the straight male athletes experienced on the RuPaul show.
The more gay culture has evolved into “LGBTQ” culture, the more that pressure has been placed on gay men to “prove their gayness” to be accepted. What was once a safe place for more feminine men to express themselves has become a standard all gay men must hold to.
I remember struggling deeply with my sense of being female because I could not get female mannerisms down. Although I am not naturally masculine, I had to create a character in order to be feminine. Most gay men do. The problem is I never felt comfortable with said character. I believed that once transitioned I would simply become an average straight woman, blend into society and have a nice masculine straight husband like any other girl. But as a boy I could never quite convincingly pull off being a girl.
My friends were convinced that I simply had not freed myself sufficiently from my internalized homophobia and believed I needed to embrace ever-more-feminine gay qualities.
I dressed in drag, wore tight feminine clothes, changed my body language, my facial expressions and my voice tone and quality. I wore makeup and over-styled my hair. I wore jewelry and became obsessed with various female pop stars. I idolized Britany Spears and stared at a poster of her above my bed each night, dreaming of one day being her. But it simply was not enough.
I could never find that place of peace and sense of fulfillment I desired.
I was deeply depressed. And as a result, trapped in a cycle of simply doing nothing while expecting everything.
It wasn’t until many years later, as the layers of this character fell off on their own, that I began to realize my most content and relaxed periods of time were when I was alone and completely unaware of my physical self.
When I simply relaxed, read, watched television or painted, I did not feel a sense of anything except simply being. I remember asking my friends how they saw me, if I was more male or female to them in how they sensed me. I got mixed results. But for myself, I had to force the idea that I was actually female inside.
Truth be told, I felt far more neutral than anything.
But I knew that continuing to hold together this persona was exhausting. And it wasn’t bringing me anything but anxiety and misery.
I developed a routine of inner reflection trying to establish who exactly I was, and where I was attempting to go with my life.
One day during this time with myself I just asked the question:
“What if I simply tried being male?”
At this point I was in my late twenties and although transitioning was becoming more and more accessible, the thought of it still felt overwhelming.
“What if I just tried being male as naturally as I could?”
And so I did.
Natural development of masculinity in the real world.
What I discovered was that there was nothing for me to try on, figure out or present to the world.
Being masculine, for me, was really just being myself without the layers of social expectation.
My voice and my body language normalized. My sense of awareness became more even. I lost my desire for flamboyant clothing, hair and makeup. I began to even out emotionally despite being diagnosed many years earlier as bipolar with a significant depression.
In truth, letting go of the fantasy of what I could be opened the door to who I already was and where that path could lead me. I just became an aware man.
With masculinity comes logic and with logic comes awareness of the mechanics around you.
I began to understand how things worked.
With the help of male friends I recognized how male relationships functioned, how banter, dominance and play integrated with male bonding and how pack mentality functioned.
Women function significantly differently and in the male world, one must have a sense of who one is, otherwise one won’t be able to survive. When surrounded by women one can simply adapt to the emotions of the situation at any given time and function well. Men are somehow aware of this and become suspicious of it.
Men tend to demand other men be straight with them rather than adapt to them, in order to make a more comfortable experience.
Ironically, the more self-aware I became the more gay men dismissed me as emotionally immature, and “afraid to be who I really was” as I no longer presented a feminine persona to them. This transition, again ironically, occurred at the same time my general worldview changed and my political views moved to the right. The gay world interpreted this as a regression.
They believed I had moved back into the closet and that I was attempting to gain favor with the right by pretending to be more straight and masculine than I truly was.
The concept of being confidently masculine created suspicion within that group that something was not right. While gay men commented on my relaxed masculinity during one-on-one discussions in a positive way, they viewed it more as a fetish than anything else. Gays characterized it as a symptom of oppression rather than a symbol of personal acceptance.
The gift of awareness of how things work curses one with recognition of those who are suffering from malfunction.
I have never met a truly comfortable feminine gay man.
Their character is always forced, uncomfortable and transparent. Once you realize you are speaking to a person who developed an identity in order to meet group expectations the stereotype of a gay man becomes obviously simplistic and predictable. In truth you rarely meet a man with this malfunction who has a sense of who he is beyond that character. There is nothing underneath it.
Gay men escape into the bubble of gay life and find their place in the tribe. Once established they rarely ever need to develop anything else about themselves.
You don’t need to build a working model of who you are when you have a prefabricated armor you can wear to protect yourself from anything the outside world threatens you with.
Masculinity within gay men corresponds to a much more deeply developed sense of self and position, which holds the consequence of not being able to integrate into or relate to gay men as a whole. Despite often being better integrated into society as a whole, there is a drive to be connected to those like you. In our case this means other men capable of and interested in physical and intellectual connection beyond friendship. For those of us who have accidentally developed a soul, it is a struggle to balance fulfilling physical desire and need with intellectual honesty and openness.
Awareness cannot be undone. Once you see how the clock works you cannot again be mesmerized by the magic of how it always knows the precise time.
Once you feel what natural masculinity is like you cannot go back to putting on the costume of a gay man.
The realization of what gay culture has created can be crushing when you look out at the crowds of empty men desperately pleading with one another for the acceptance they wanted from their male peers growing up but could never quite experience.
Even those who understood the function of male bonding as boys or teens abandoned it all for the promise of true fulfillment – to a culture that only wanted to exploit their physical superiority while dismissing and mutilating their masculine spirit.
But I am not a victim of this awareness.
I have no desire to set this candle down and travel back into the security of a darkness surrounded by others.
The moment I looked into the eyes of a dominant straight man and saw friendship, brotherhood and acceptance I knew what peace and purpose was.
I earned that from him and it never occurred to him his gift to me was anything special.
Men are simple. You prove yourself loyal, dependable and useful and they happily invite you into their pack and assign you a role. As long as you accept your position and continue to do your part in the pack you are secure and safe. If you betray the pack, defy the pack leader, jockey for position and lose, become useless or a burden or cease loyalty in brotherhood you are removed.
There is very little gray.
Understanding the consequence of accepting your real biological identity.
Unlike among women, among men emotion does not immunize you or provide you with protection. You cannot walk in entitled and demand consideration or position. You cannot manipulate your way through or bluff your way past. You must look each man in your pack in the eye and he must see true loyalty and trust, otherwise none of them can trust you. In the male hunter-gatherer society which is our biological DNA imprint, you cannot sleep with a potential traitor in your midst.
Its why our great stories tell of loyalty and brotherhood, rather than weakness and forgiveness. Men are simple.
Since removing the layers of expectation and limitation – both self-imposed, and placed onto me over years of conditioning – I have come to understand and appreciate what peace means.
Men do not do well alone and they do not do well without brotherhood. Masculinity is a hierarchy with clear alpha males and varying degrees of position below. There is the star quarterback and there is the towel boy. But it is understood that the pack is a team and each member plays a specific and important role that benefits everyone. Men naturally form these groupings from as small as two to much larger depending on need and scale.
I am happy to recognize where I belong and what my purpose is, and I find great comfort in the lack of need to constantly investigate or navigate to find it.
Masculinity is peace.
What I have realized over time is that I do not belong in the broken world of gay men as a whole. Gay male culture is the result of males attempting to force femininity onto an incompatible biological system. There is no sense of purpose or usefulness, no peace or challenge.
A man can devote his life to absolute physical perfection without a single satisfying reward despite being worshiped on the outside. His experience is one of visual fantasy without substance or appreciation. I can honestly say I have never seen more genuine and honest respect and admiration for physical achievement than from straight men who have no other motivation that pure brotherly encouragement and group success.
And while our society has dismantled much of the brotherhood pack as well, it functions far better in its diminished state today than the whole of gay culture for men.
Men suffer when they deny their masculine heritage and try to force themselves to become women. There is not a single feminine trait men can successfully integrate into their mindset that does not cause significant harm and anxiety. Truth be told, the downfall of man is the rise of women as an absolute pinnacle of human achievement. While female qualities are absolutely beautiful, powerful and necessary in women and in male/female relationships, they cannot compete with natural male hierarchy in a society.
A society of men submitting to women cannot work and we have an ongoing demonstration of this in the gay world today.
It is vital that we do not become too romantic in our ideal of masculine brotherhood because it must have context.
Groups of men, fat, lazy and desperately trying to gain the affection and attention of women is not a healthy situation.
Boys unrestrained and bullying to the extent of violence and constant torment is not an acceptable situation either.
Men cannot assume their natural strength makes them immune, or removes responsibility in improving themselves beyond physical perfection.
Our society has utterly destroyed the concept of male bonding, packs, brotherhood, personal protection and honor for decades. We cannot pretend we are on a level playing ground. But what average men can learn from gay men is what happens when you give up your nature entirely for a popular culture version of what you should be.
If you look at gay men and you cringe at what you see, you must understand that the next generation of boys is growing up with this as their standard.
It is no coincidence that two males are spokespersons for woman’s cosmetics today. Males in the prime age group of sixteen to twenty-four are universally shamed for male acting out, joking, embracing their sexuality and demanding authority over their lives. An entire generation has grown up expecting their fathers to be obese idiots unable to manage their homes, jobs or finances without a strong, ever-patient and responsible wife to keep things in line.
We praise young men for female qualities and demonize them for male qualities.
It is a much larger problem than we imagine.
Catching up when you are the brother who was left behind.
I have only begun in my journey where many of you started at age nine or ten. I have removed what was strangling me and I have finally stood up and taken stock of where I am. I am searching for my tribe and building my strengths, my body and my mind so I will be of best use to them. I am still in the desert, walking away from the center of who I thought I needed to trust.
I will find the place where I belong soon enough.
It is important we all understand how many of us will be taking this same journey and how vital it is we have a tribe to come home to and contribute to.
This is a need our species requires.
It can no longer be viewed as an option “if the women don’t mind”.
Looking back at the boy I was, I wish a man with inner and outer strength and awareness had recognized the place I had been trapped in and forced me to battle within the tribe of boys nearby.
Instead of allowing me to find sanctuary among girls and women inside, where it was safe, I wish I had been taken into the wilderness and forced to battle my way home.
I eventually had to so do, but would have benefited much more greatly had I experienced it with my peers at the same time.
It’s how lifelong male friendships grow and how tribes form.
Boys learn how to tame their emotions, master their bodies and what the value of trust and loyalty means. They learn how to experience discomfort and thrive within it while owning pleasure and enjoyment without hesitation or guilt. They learn how to challenge each other and how adversity builds character.
When a boy looks up at a man who stares down at him with cold expectation, he knows he must achieve and perform to earn affection and approval. When he is given gushing praise for simply standing, smiling and being nice he only learns how to ask for mercy rather than demand respect.
It cannot be understated how important to development this period in a boy’s life is.
From the early physical changes of testosterone triggered by aggression, physical adversity and the presence of stronger intimidating men to the social advantages of understanding dominance, eye contact and positioning a boy must not be allowed to skip any of it.
If he does he will spend the rest of his life trying desperately to compensate for it.
In the end we must recognize men and women are different. Men require a specific environment to thrive.
Society depends on it.
Males will always find sex, dominance, thrill, physical release and aggression and entertainment. The question is whether will it be destructive, or structured and beneficial to society?
How we treat the weakest boys will answer that question.
As one of the weakest you would have ever met, and a man barely worthy of that title today, I can assure you that it is the greatest gift man can provide society.
Save all boys and you build a society men will one day rule, structure, innovate keep peacefully and continue to evolve forever.
Share this Post