The cold approach is an irreplaceable and critical skill.
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What is the cold approach?
The cold approach is when you walk up to a beautiful woman with no introduction and spark an instant discussion that intrigues her. It’s when you spot a wealthy investor in an unexpected setting and successfully pitch your startup. It’s when you go directly to the gatekeeper at a media event and convince them in seconds to escort you beyond the ropes.
The cold approach is the forced creation of advantageous social moments. It is thinking on your feet and penetrating sudden opportunity with confidence and competence.
It’s one of the most powerful tools I am going to teach you here at Dark Triad Man.
I’m going to give you specific approaches, direct lessons, and certain kinds of post-action autopsies to conduct on your performance.
This is not a list of stupid pickup lines.
This is real power for the dark world.
If you practice these cold approach skills and master them, you will see your power grow and your world change. And that is what we are about.
Understanding the power of the cold approach.
The power of the cold approach is derived from determination of the spirit. It isn’t about words you choose or style you present or subjects you discuss. The cold approach is a sudden, brave and powerful decision of the heart to draw your steel, throw away the scabbard and walk directly forward onto the battlefield without reserve or hesitation or terror of the consequence.
It is because of this commitment, suddenly arisen and instantly accepted and unhesitatingly deployed into the world, that universe-altering results can be generated.
The Dark Triad Man has practiced and cultivated the cold approach and mastered it.
As I teach you these cold approach skills you must remember that a fearless and unflinching commitment of the spirit is the root principle of each.
Without driving your focus and your intention towards this principle you will be spinning your wheels. You may find successes, you may find failures, but what you won’t find without using this principle is cultivated power. Instead, you’ll have a string of running accidents, some good and some bad.
You won’t develop yourself without it.
I am Ivan Throne.
I offer ruthless mentoring for a dark world.
I am here to help you develop.
The principle at the heart of the cold approach.
The principle at the heart of the cold approach is very simple.
It is unhesitating boldness and immediate action without reserve.
The Dark Triad Man is intimately familiar with unhesitating boldness, immediate action, and total commitment. Contemplated too long, the cold approach loses its unhesitating nature and becomes a dice roll of failure rather than a ferocious grasp of success. There must be no gap between the three points of the cold approach.
1. The desire for outcome must be recognized for what it is.
2. The decision to attain that desire must be arrived at immediately.
3. The action to seize that desire must commence instantaneously.
It must all take place within one seamless singularity of self. The Dark Triad Man advances without any useless mental or emotional chatter.
Without hesitation the heart moves from recognition to commitment to action. It does this without contemplation, without stuttering, without tripping or stumbling over internal narratives or the distractions of the outer world.
It is, as Takuan says, about interval:
When you clap your hands and, just at that instant, let out a yell, the interval between clapping your hands and letting out a yell will not allow the entrance of a hairsbreadth.
This is not a matter of clapping your hands, thinking about yelling, and then doing so, which would result in there being an interval in between. You clap your hands and, just at that instant, let out a sound.
In just the same way, if the mind stops with the sword with which a man is going to strike you, there will be an interval, and your own action will be lost. But if in the interval between your opponent’s striking sword and your own action you cannot introduce even a the breadth of a hair, your opponent’s sword should become your own.
This is the principle at the heart of power.
It is the bottomless heart of the cold approach.
You must study it well and master it. You must review our Library of Ferocity page and become a scholar of the Way. Within in it lies all the power of your immortal spirit, and from that spirit is derived the entire power of the world.
It is how the throne is seized.
And seizing the throne is the business of the Dark Triad Man.
Unlimited opportunity is offered by the cold approach.
The most beautiful woman in the world will not decide to approach you because of your ridiculous hope that she will see underneath your intimidated and clumsy appearance and fall in love with a nice guy who respects her feelings. She will not make explosive love to you and take your name and become your mate and bear your children because she thinks weakness and hesitation are hot.
The most beautiful woman in the world will be intrigued by and respond to the boldness of the cold approach.
The wealthiest investor in the world will not take pity on you and give you money just so you can test your idea. He will not become your mentor and partner and guide the progress of your business because you display unstable and stuttering commitment to seizing the throne.
The wealthiest investor in the world will respect your utterly unshakable determination and admire the unhesitating power of your will.
The controlling authority behind the ropes who is tasked with keeping you away will not unhook the velvet barrier and escort you to the inner court because you are envious and want to bask in the halo of power and wealth. He will not waste time listening your cringing pleas that demonstrate cheap lack of value.
The controlling authority behind the ropes will be awakened to obedience by the arrival of the man of value to the king.
The crowd that mills without direction, murmuring and restless and purposeless, will not turn its discontented muttering into an army of power in response to your timid and ineffectual presentation of feeble spirit.
The crowd that hears the sudden voice of ringing clarity will focus its attention and raptly follow you through hell.
The heart within you will not cultivate power and capacity and strength and competence when it repeatedly lingers and hesitates and fiddles with doubt and fear and gratuitous inflation of risk and worry. It will weaken and soften and become your most horrific liability. You will be the crude architect of your own failures.
The heart that masters the cold approach becomes an unstoppable force of blinding brilliance.
The heart that masters the cold approach beats in the chest of the Dark Triad Man.
Top 5 Cold Approach Skills All Men Need to Master
We have outlined examples above. There are many venues and targets and goals and ways to employ the cold approach in the life of a man who seeks wealth, power, experience and the joy of unlimited and exultant living. In this post we are going to review the five most important and I am going to give you specific instructions that you will take and you will train incessantly in.
I will give you an example. Then I will give you instructions for practice.
I will tell you where, how, and with what followup to assess your results.
Without further ado, let us begin.
Cold approach to the incredible female.
A little over ten years ago I was in a crowded nightclub with several other male friends. One of them was drunk and obnoxious and making an embarrassing spectacle of himself in front of a group of young women. It does no good in any venue to be viewed as the asshole guys of the evening. I walked up and took him by the shoulder and excused him from the scene.
As I did I noticed a woman there, standing with her friends. Staring at me.
Green, unblinking eyes of penetrating intelligence. A silk waterfall of dark hair gracefully cascading down past her breasts to her narrow waist and taut stomach. A lithe and sinuous body with stellar lines of absolute class, one that incomparably stood out beyond the conveyor belt of common females in that night’s sexual marketplace. She was drop dead gorgeous.
There could be no hesitation. That woman was worthy of all I had to deploy, the total sum of all the power of the Dark Triad Man.
The cold approach was the only way.
I had come. I had seen. To conquer was the only option.
Yes, she had been a swimsuit model for the most elite modeling agency in the world. Yes, she was brilliantly intelligent. Yes, she was traditionally minded and hadn’t been ridden left and right by a carousel of careless men. Her face was breathtaking and her laughter rang like silver bells. Her beauty was shocking, the kind of remarkable, unforgettable glory that makes both men and women stop and stare helplessly when she walks by.
Had I hesitated, I would not have conquered.
Had I negotiated with myself, I would not have been fearless.
Had I doubted and agonized, she would have slipped away into the evening.
Had I not delivered using the cold approach, I would have forever regretted it.
I am still married to her today.
It is time for you to practice.
Your training spot: A major train station or airport. It is full of people traveling from one place to another, seeking experience.
Why there: It provides a stream of passing women of better than average appearance and class. Poor women do not engage in leisure travel and life is harder on them, aging them faster, and removing imagination from their perspective. Women with means are inevitably more attractive and cultured.
Your appearance: You will dress fashionably well. Slacks, dress shoes, a classy jacket. You will be flawlessly groomed, including under your clothes. You will leave nothing untucked, nothing uncreased, nothing unperfected. You will take this extreme and total care with your appearance to create a compelling mindset of your best self. There will be no potential excuses for your failures. They will happen and you will learn from them without fear.
Your equipment: A pocket voice recorder or smartphone to record pre-encounter notes.
The training method: Spot an object of desire; quietly record your impressions of what sparks that desire; and speak a statement of power recorded for your later review. You will not listen to that recording again until you are performing your post-exercise autopsy in private at home.
How this works: In the presentation of your best self, in a mindset of prepared total value, you capture the flowing thought of desire and marry it to action. You deploy that cold approach without hesitation and you dissect the outcome in comparison to the conception of the desire.
The process: You are at the airport, seated in a lounge where you can view the passing travelers. You spot an incredible woman who steps up to the bar. On recognizing the spark of impressed desire, you will record your thoughts:
“She is fucking amazing. Look at that face and hair, that self assured attractiveness. She’s hot and she knows it and that expensive cream suit shows off a glorious tan. Those sunglasses mean she’s armored up. I’m going to go penetrate that armor right now.“
You then click off the recording, you stand up, and you walk over without allowing another thought to enter your mind or hesitation to enter your heart or a care in the world for the outcome to infect your thinking or feeling or action.
You have no plan or pickup line or subject to discuss.
You go in utterly cold.
And what happens, happens.
Later, in the calm of your home and with a reflective, rewarding meal before you – you will listen to that recording. You will remember the experience of boldness, the unfolding of the encounter, the power of the engagement and the result it produced. You will compare your outcome to the initial, unfiltered, honestly captured dialogue of your interest and you’ll consider how well you moved from interest to outcome.
You will spend the better part of a day performing this exercise. You will engage with a minimum of nine gloriously beautiful, extremely high value women and the more out of your league they seem the better they are for your training.
You will practice, and you will study, and you will learn.
Cold approach to the human crowd.
A little over fifteen years ago I was walking in the park of a central American city. It was a beautiful day in early summer and the walk was a pleasant one.
As I passed the town hall I unexpectedly heard the sound of war drums.
It was a distinct sound. Not the beat of tribal rage in the jungle or the deep booming of the monstrous Japanese taiko drums. This was a fierce marching tattoo from the American Revolutionary War and the sound of it drew me. It pulled me across the green expanse of lawn to the group that was gathering outside a City Council meeting in protest of planned legislation for the city.
I went inside with many of the crowd, to listen to the debate.
It was extraordinarily frustrating. A comment would be made by one side or the other and the members of City Council were unmistakably partisan. They were contemptuous and sneering of those who wished respect the inherent civil rights of free men. The citizens of the city who had filled that room to standing only capacity were furious.
I could not remain silent in the face of such unbelievable arrogance and stupidity. I took the microphone.
I started speaking.
I took the power of the moment and used the emotion of the confused and furious and articulated their anger. I put their outrage to words. I captured the moment with my language and in doing so I gave voice to that crowd. I saw the fear in the eyes of the city council and rage and hope in the eyes and faces of my fellow citizens.
After that brief unprepared speech I was thronged with men and women pressing in to shake my hand.
Within a few months I was national director of an organization founded for the preservation of liberties. That organization deployed activists on the street in defense of human rights and in grim warning to the State power of the dark risk of threatening the rights of the armed. I gave speeches across the country, understanding more with each event the value of the power of crowds.
The power of crowds is earthshaking. It topples empires and raises Caesars to the sky.
You must practice to attain the ability to capture the imagination of the crowd.
The cold approach to the human crowd is an essential skill to master.
Your training spot: A public venue of roughly 50-100 attendees. This will ideally be a bar, a poetry reading at a cafe or other open mike event. Karaoke does not count. You are not there to imitate. You are there to cold approach a crowd and turn it into your own.
Why there: You do not start learning to ride motorcycles on a supercharged sport bike. Similarly you will not commence training in your cold approach to the human crowd in venues where there is the potential for dangerous crowd reaction. You will keep it simple.
Your appearance: You will research your venue and you will ensure that your dress is carefully calculated to blend in. You will wear no clothing or jewelry or present any style that draws attention or in any manner causes you to stand out from the crowd.
Your equipment: A pocket voice recorder or smartphone to record your impromptu speech.
Your training method: To recognize your moment. To seize your moment and stride into the spotlight. To extemporaneously and without scripted content, capture the imagination of the crowd and take them from one emotion to another. You will not listen to that recording of yourself addressing the crowd until later at home. When you do, you will listen for stuttered moments where the crowd fell away.
How this works: In the fearless voice there is genius, and in the approbation of the crowd is intoxicating validation. This is an important resource for achievement narcissism. By learning to feel the mood of the crowd and to play the crowd you cultivate the power of crisis leadership.
The process: Settle into a comfortable seat where you can see the entire venue. Spend forty-five minutes to an hour absorbing the mood and energy of the gathered people. Observe what attracts their attention. Recognize what provokes ripples of response. Determine what the crowd wants, what it feels, what it is seeking to have articulated for it. Then get up and do it.
You will repeat this process until you are able to confidently feel the power of the crowd when you walk in.
The sudden crowd is the reserve army of the Dark Triad Man.
Cold approach to the business investor.
Years ago one of my businesses was consulting with startup ventures.
I brought mature methods to the exciting drama of startups. My role was to provide guidance to the entrepreneur, to shape his intense passion into a sharp, accurate spear to penetrate his market and achieve his dream. Part of that was reinforcing, over and over, the importance of sales.
In sales it is critical to master the cold approach.
You cannot fear deploying the cold approach and expect to grow your business.
I accompanied my client to a trade show in Manhattan. It was a huge gamble for him. The business was running on the bleeding edge, as most new businesses are, and the cost of the booth and the space in that annual trade show was enormous.
He leveraged his entire business and maxed out his credit cards.
He put everything on the line.
We set up at dawn at the convention. And as the crowd began to stream into the venue, I took him aside and once more drilled into him the importance of action and not waiting passively to be discovered. He was terrified by the risk he was taking but I could see the iron determination in his eyes. I knew he had what it takes to succeed.
That day we spotted one of the biggest names in Manhattan residential real estate walking through with his team.
“This is it. Your chance is about to happen.” I straightened his tie and gripped him hard by the shoulders.
“Get ready. Because I am walking him over here right now.” I clapped him on the back and strode over to the executive.
I looked him directly in the eye and asked him if he was the man I thought he was.
It was an unnecessary question. But I wanted him to agree with me.
He said yes. I just looked at him a moment, then extended my hand. As he took it I said, very seriously, in the tone of a man sharing difficult news, “There is something you need to know”.
I ignored his team. I let go of his hand and waited a half moment. Now I had his attention.
“Do you see that young man over there?” I indicated my client.
“He is going to storm through this industry. I recommend you meet him now, rather than later, and judge the upheaval he represents. It may be useful to you.
“Here is my card. If you wish an introduction, I think that value can be arranged.”
We stayed in New York City for two extra days.
We left with a contract that tripled the size of my client’s business.
Your training spot: Your job, your business, or your prospective employer. Yes, this is real life, with real consequences.
Why there: Because this is one place where the cold approach cannot be practiced in an artificial manner. It requires a real-world effort and that means real-world risk and real-world consequences. You are going to have to advance yourself here in the dark world.
Your appearance: Your usual business attire, taken one step further. If you dress casual for work, add a jacket. If you work in a fast food restaurant, you will have your uniform dry cleaned and creased with a razor edge. If you work in a professional office, you will wear a new suit for the event. Your grooming will be immaculate and your posture will be ramrod straight.
Your equipment: Yourself. This is not a test. This is not about creating review material. This is selling yourself for the highest value in the market.
Your training method: It may be a job interview. It may be a project you have been hoping to propose to your department executive. It may be picking up the phone and calling the business across town that you want to partner with. Perhaps it is walking into a prospective client’s office and asking for a sale, right there.
How this works: In the end there is no substitute for action. In the end, all the training in the world requires that you walk into the dark world and measure the best that you have to offer against the forbidding and frightening markets of the world.
The process: Pick your training method. Pick up the phone and make that appointment. Write that email and send it today. Buy that plane ticket to go see that potential client. Put on your suit, head across town, and walk into the offices of the company that has your dream job.
From decision and action in the dark world comes the experience and learning of real power.
Your reward is proportionate to the risk you embrace.
The Dark Triad Man seeks the reward of the throne.
Cold approach and the controlling authority.
There are times when you need to be in the heart of power.
When there is someone with authority standing between you and what you must attain.
That could be the protective security detail between you and a public figure. It could be the bouncer at an exclusive nightclub. It could be something as trivial as the irritable secretary at the front office between you and a man you need to meet or it might be something as simple as obtaining permission to be within a place closed off to the public.
I was once in Washington, D.C. for an annual convention. It was a busy weekend, full of clients and activity and sales and opportunities. One such opportunity was to hear the President of the United States speak. He was going to address the huge number of industry attendees on the closing day.
I was not going to be stuck in the rear.
I wanted to see the ruler of the world’s greatest empire face to face.
I invested roughly a half hour in identifying the convention staff and ranking them according to apparent power. Who reported to who? Who spoke with authority to the police providing security to the 50,000 conventioneers that were passing through? Who was clearly in charge?
I determined who it was. Then I approached him, cold.
“Excuse me, are you with the event staff?” (Silly question, but provided an air of innocence.)
“Yes, how can I help?”
I raised my eyebrows, and said, “I understand the President is going to speak in the morning. I’d love to hear him, but I’m hard of hearing and it would be really great if I could be close enough to lipread. Beyond a certain distance it’s impossible to understand.”
I could see the man processing an unusual request, trying to understand something harmless he wasn’t familiar with.
“How close would you need to be?” he asked.
I met his eyes for a moment, looked down at his feet, then looked slowly back up to his face and held his eyes. Then I nodded in approval.
“This is good,” I said.
The Secret Service held a front row seat for me the next morning.
Your training spot: I am not going throw you at the President of the United States to start this training off. We will start you off on something much more simple, and much less risky. Your training spot is going to be your local big box supermarket.
Why there: Cold approach to the controlling authority is a one-time opportunity. If you blow it, the door is shut and it almost never opens again. Because of that we’re going to play around with a place and boundary that is easy to cross and risk free if you are stopped.
Your appearance: Experiment with it. You will need to run this training exercise over and over, and in fact should continuously work at it in order to improve your ability to engage and deploy this type of cold approach. Wear whatever you want. Train in this wearing different things and see how it impacts your power.
Your equipment: A missing product from the milk and cream area of the grocery store. Find something sold out and then pretend that the missing product is something very special you’re really hoping they have.
Your training method: Locate an employee of the store and say that you’re searching for something they seem to be out of – and that you’re really hoping they have it. They’ll ask what it is. Hesitate for a split second then ask if you can show them. Once you walk back and point out the empty spot on the shelf, your job is to get them to look in the back – and to walk back there with them, past the EMPLOYEES ONLY sign.
How this works: It is a silly boundary but it is a real one. They don’t want you back there for liability reasons. But the gatekeepers are low paid employees that are told to help the customer. They aren’t the Secret Service. Your task is to get them to help you break the rules. Once you become skilled with this process, you can deploy it in more challenging scenarios.
The process: Once you’re back there, the next step – if you can pull it off – is to send them on an errand to check around the corner, or back up front with another employee, or any other excuse to have them leave you there. If you succeed, congratulations.
You have learned how to have a controlling authority break the rules, bring you to the heart of power and leave you to your devices.
I am purposely giving you a very small and very silly arena to play within.
It is not about bragging rights that you made it past the velvet rope of the VIP line at the Sapphire Club in Vegas. It is about cultivating success, one tiny step by tiny step until you understand the principle and how to smoothly glide into the place where you are not expected to penetrate.
The Dark Triad Man smoothly penetrates where he is not expected.
That is what he does.
Cold approach and your internal frame.
The cold approach is all about what is going on inside yourself.
The cold approach is at its most effective when there is no fear, no hesitation, no attachment, no concern or worry or stress but only the seamless, charismatic delivery of resonance and charm and power.
You must contemplate this and study this.
The Dark Triad Man is never intimidated by the most beautiful woman present.
The Dark Triad Man is never ignored by the crowd he wishes to play.
The Dark Triad Man ruthlessly closes his business deals without hesitation.
The Dark Triad Man smoothly penetrates to the seat of the throne.
Most important of all, the Dark Triad Man cultivates his spirit.
He cultivates it through incessant training in the ability to maintain the calm and unruffled spirit of the warrior; to develop a ceaselessly assessing mind; and to embody a habitual choice of action over hesitation.
That is his Way.
He understands the power and freedom and detachment that comes from the deployment of psychopathy in the cold approach. His skill in Machiavellian discourse and language captivates and enthralls the target of the cold approach. His achievement narcissism swells the confidence that supports and facilitates his use of the cold approach.
The Dark Triad Man does not hesitate, he does not worry, he does not agonize over action.
He takes one look, and makes his decision.
He seizes with gladiator power.
Put the cold approach to work for you.
I am Ivan Throne.
I tell you with brutal honesty that without the cold approach you will never seize the throne.
The throne is not a warm place of sweet welcomes and soft embraces.
It is a hard seat for men with blood of ice.
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